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Like the title says, give me a diaper and a pacifier because apparently I have suddenly gone stupid and have to be looked after like a damn baby. just because a person has epilepsy does not mean that they need to have someone ask them twenty thousand times a day if they have taken their pill or not. since it is life-threatening, someone in my position would remember to take the pill. I hate being treated like I have a disease that has made me retarded. I am still the same person I have always been, I just have seizures more frequently then a normal person would that does not take away from the person I am. it doesnt make me have to depend on everyone else. I hate being so dependent on everyone. I am dependent on my parents to go get my medicine because I can no longer drive legally and I am apparently dependant on my husband to tell me when to take my pill all because I did not hear the alarm that was perched on the window sill right above my head, this one time. I need my indeoendence but thanks to this stupid mental disorder I can't any longer. it sucks!!! to all of you who have epilepsy, I feel your pain and am very sympathetic towards you!
)0( Blessed Be }i{
This will be the first year that I will not be seeing any of my cousions my mom's side of the family. we have grown so far apart that when we see each other in public, we duck and avoid each other. I am the odd one out all the time. they all go visit each other's houses and drink together and e en text or call each other but I am always the last to know on everything. it is almost like my aunt has teamed everyone up on her side against me although I have not done anything to deserve it or even know what I did to cause it. if I had on my facebook page the friends and family that actually want me around then I wouldn't even be on facebook at all. I feel as if the only people that even want me around are my son and my husband, and everyone else acts like they have to be nice to me when they see me or when we come by for a visit. if they want to be like that then I do not need them. they are no longer kin to me. I have no family from my mother's side of the family.
)0( Blessed Be }i{

why do I bother?

I seriously wonder why I bother opening my mouth sometimes. even just speaking my mind about one simple idea is dangerous around here apparently. I gave one idea about rearranging MY living room and now my mother expects me to let her know when to do it today because SHE doesn't want to do anything tomorrow aecause of the stupid al vs au game. it's stupid. this home is MY house so when I want to rearrange it it will be on my fucking time and not hers!! I decide to do it when I feel like it. for once in my life, I wish that I could do something on my own time and dime and not have to do what somebody else says!! it fucking sucks.
)0( Blessed Be }i{

Sigh

Made up my mind! no more going to family holiday dinners ever!!! Too much damn drama and stupid shit going on
)0( Blessed Be }i{

Disturbing!

The entire world is just plain disturbing! you can't check your Facebook Timeline without at least one picture of someone being murdered or some little innocent girl being gang raped and killed by fucking muslims. it's disgusting! But for every bad news there are some that make you just go "aww!" like my friends who have children and those who are pregnant and just mushy stuff in general but if anyone comes near my son with the intentions of touching him inappropriately and/or harming him in any way will be met with a shot in the fucking head! I do not play when it comes to my son and I am sure there are alot of mothers who can agree with me on this! I do have to say that any woman that lets a man mistreat or rape or even harm her child in any way possible is not a mother but a trash bag that lets men just dump their shit in her and runs away. There is no reason to harm or let children be harmed and anyone who can sit back and let that happen obviously does not have a heart of any kind and are utterly disgusting, and should not even be called a human being but a monster. Oh, and the new thing is that pedophiles are now trying to say that they have just as much right as gays do and that their like of little children is just a sexual orientation of their. I think NOT!  I believe that all pedophiles need a bullet in the head and buried six feet in the ground!! and for those who get ideas about being pedophiles or anything similar, let me reassure you that if you even TRY to get near my son then you will be shot in the fucking head!!! This momma don't play!!!!!! Call me racist or whatever you want but you will stay away from my child if you are going to harm him or touch him inappropriately and that is just the bottom fucking line!!!
)0( Blessed Be }i{

Suspicions

There are alot of suspicions going on around my home and it is overwhelming and very suprising. it's something I never thought would happen and all because two people are money hungry. money makes so many great people do so many stupid things in their life and it ruins the lives of so many others in the process. The first ones to hurt you for money are normally parents and other siblings and are friends that get hurt somehow. Never underestimate anyone near you, the closest people to you are also the very first ones that will stab you in the back. Nobody ever truely trusts another person, especially those who claim to be your best friend and yet move on to someone else. Everyone is always suspicious of the other person and this day in age, you should be....
)0( Blessed Be }i{

*SMH*

The very next person that tells me that I need to fucking answer when they call to me is going to get hurt. I am not a goddamn maid nor am I the fucking nanny who takes care of the child. I AM A FUCKING WOMAN OF THE HOUSE AND A WIFE THAT MEANS I AM FUCKING EQUAL NOT BENEATH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also the next person comes to my house and complains about how I leave my stuff aroud and shit will get popped. if you don't like the way I clean my house or if it is not good enough for you then STAY THE FUCK AWAY, it's that simple. I am so tired of being bossed around like I'm some kind of puppy that needs to be told what to do and when and how. My mother does that and also my own husband does the same shit. I am tired and done with the stupid shit and by the way you do not tell me when to clean my fucking house I do it whenever the fuck I want to because guess what ITS NOT YOURS, IT IS MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

)0( Blessed Be }i{
I don't know what is worse, fake friends or family who act like they are related to you only when it is convenient for them. When they purposefully walk by you, making sure to avoid eye contact and to act like they are busy just so you won't say a word to them is pretty damn sorry. it is sad when your two year old has better judgement of who is real and who isn't better then you do. maybe I should listen to him more often. ignore the ones he ignores and pay attention to ones he does. I also hate when your "best friends" tell you that your their best friend yet they never text you nor even stop by to see you yet they also suddenly have someone else they call best friend. I've always been a second-thought to everyone I know. Hell, even my own parents do it. there are days when the only enjoyment in my life is my son and then there are days when I want to "accidently" forget to take my meds just so someone will pay me some kind of attention. I know that it goes both ways and all that nonesense but you get tired of being the only one who tries eventually!
)0( Blessed Be }i{

Men *sigh*

Omg the world comes to an end if he doesn't get any sleep yet if I have no sleep I'm expected to run a marathon (not seriously just setting an example) I'd love to sleep for a few more hours in fact but no I can't do that because I have to be the one to handle business!!!!! when he simplyu could do it and go back to sleep. and no I'm not being whiney I'm just clarifying that it wouldn't hurt him to lose as much sleep as I do all the time and then try to get up and do something because he's not anymore special then I am. not that he cares or anything! I should have been married to myself sometimes!!! For all ofyou  who aren't married Do'nt get married unless your prepared to deal with stress and raise tow kids because having kids and a husband is just like that. exactly like that. so don't do it unless you can handle them.
)0( Blessed Be }i{

Wondering......

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to not be married and not have a child and be back like I was before all that. would I still be living with my parents? would I have finished high school? and would I be in my second year of college right now? All these things float through my mind as I hear my son scream for the billionth time and for the billionth time listen to my husband tell me that he's hungry or that he needs a diaper change even though he hasn't been around the child all day and won't even lift a finger to change a diaper or to even fix him a meal just expects me to do everything, including make him food and give him massages and take his shoes off for him and even give him sex whenever he wants it. nevermind the fact that I'm tired or I might be busy myself or hell even want time for myself. I have to plan my time to take a shower like it's a damn battle strategy. he says I "run to the bedroom" when actually I stay in here because its the only place I can actually sit down and do something or be able to watch my son even though him and my own mother swears I don't. They complain when I even hint at being tired  and that "you slept all day you shouldn't be tired at all" when I do sleep alot but my sleep schedule depends on my son. alot of times I can't take naps or goto sleep when I get tired, I have to wait until my son is asleep and by then most of the time I'm so wore out that I sleep sound or for 12 hours straight ecause I'm exhausted plus the medicine I take for my seizures cause extreme drowsiness which adds to my being tired all the time because there are times when I take the medicine and I don't get to take a nap or sleep any at all because my son is up and going full blast but "I'm not supposed to be tired" yet I have no help with feeding or chamging diapers or giving baths or picking up after him during the times he is awake. I know my husband handles the bills and my mom's constant annoyance and having to walk to school every week day except friday but I have yet see him last more than a few minutes or even an hour with our son. so who is he to question or accuse me of doing/ not doing what I do during the day. mothers get so understated because usually we are the glue that holds families together and we are always dog-tired of doing certain things or hearing certain things but yet we have a smile on our face when our children are near or when our husbands come hime from school/work yet they want to complain after only a few hours of dealing with what we mothers deal with all day every day 24/7. its even worse when the whole family gets sick. the mother takes care of her child and her  husband who acts like a child when he's sick and if or when she gets sick she still has to do laundry or change diapers or fix meals and take medicine and even though she is so sick at that point she can't even roll out of bed! but we don't get credit for half the things we actually do.plus we constantly hear from our mother-in-laws (or in-laws period!) or our mothers how bad of a job we do or why can't we do this better or why do we have to be so lazy or why why why why why! I get so sick of hearing that three letter word. oh and godforbid if you ever ask the husband for help with anything that has to do with around the house.they take the trash out one time and you'd think they ran the marathon and won the olympics several times over and they want to sit down and "relax" after that happens. the only relaxation a mother gets is when everyone in their house is asleep and she finally gets to get her shower/bath or cozy up with her favorite book for a few minutes before she goes to bed. even then she's the last to go to bed but is usually the first one up every morning. and most of the time with no complaints so if we want a litle something for what we do or a little something on mother's day I do not see any harm wiht that considering what we put up with the rest of the year! so give your mother a little time husbands,sons,daughters, she's trying her best even thoug it might not look like it!
)0( Blessed Be }i{